F*ck President's Club

Look, we get it: Salespeople are like puppies - they like to be praised. But they already make more money than almost anyone else in the company. Do they really need another paid vacation, too? And one that's better than anything the folks in the rest of the company will ever be able to afford?

If you're going to tell the non-sales folks that they're equally important, don't make it so obvious that you don't really believe that.

What's that? You include a token few non-salespeople among the celebrants, nominated by their manager or a consensus of managers? Bully for you. Now you're just rubbing everyone's face in the fact that you play favorites, too.

Either pick one person per department or - more sensibly - eliminate this ridiculous expense. Of course salespeople beat their goal. That's their job! Their reward is a fat paycheck!

President's Club is nothing more than a participation trophy for the folks that Management likes. Everyone knows that. They talk about it the entire time you're gone. Instead of working. And they hate you for it, and they hate Sales for it, even though it's not Sales' fault.

It's yours.

The Perfect Employee Manual

A brilliant and newly minted HR Manager just gave me the most beautiful employee manual I've ever seen, one so good that I can't not share it. I've also added a couple of things I like to include. If you don't have employee manuals for your new hires (and your old hires), or if you have one that doesn't include the following, print this post right now:

1. A checklist of what the new employee should receive on their first day of employment
2. A list of all of the applications that the new hire needs access to, what they do, and where they are (as much for IT as for your new hire)
3. All of the passwords and logins the new employee needs to know
4. W4
5. I9
6. Explanation of pay plan and time off; whom to call if you'll be late or out
7. Direct deposit form
8. Phone/contact list of all employees (or at least key department leads) and what they do (not just their title)
9. System failure guide: who to contact (and in what order) if phones, key apps, website, email, electricity, internet access, etc,. are down. You need 2 contacts per system.
10. Policy regarding discrimination, sexual harassment, bullying, etc.
11. Smoking policy
12. Policy regarding use of technology
13. Policy regarding use of social media
14. How to get in and out of the building, hours of operation, main phone/fax/web address/key email addresses
15. Nondisclosure and non-compete contracts
16. List of local restaurants, banks, health clubs, and bus stops
17. Training schedule
18. Training booklet(s)

What am I missing?

Discrimination

From a business perspective, human beings come in just one color: green. They either represent money to be made or money to be saved. If you think of people in any other way in your professional life, you deserve to fail and fail miserably, because you are letting a personal prejudice get in the way of making money.

That is not to say that people don’t come in various shades of green. Each shade represents a customer’s or employee’s potential monetary value. And don’t think small, here: a given customer may not be in a position to purchase much from you now, but that may change, in time. They may also be a champion for your business and introduce you to their friends. An employee can become more valuable through internal or external training and experiences that affect their personal results and the results of others with whom they share their new knowledge. They (and external customers) can also suggest better ways to do things, saving you money.

Does this mean that we should not be aware of and posture our language, gestures, and approach to internal and external customers based on their various cultures? Of course not! Aside from being poor business practice and pulling money right out of your pocket (perhaps even your entire business or organization), that is just plain rude. (What would your mother say about that?)

But it does mean that we don’t make assumptions about someone’s ability to be or to generate revenue based on their appearance. This includes color, gender, sexual orientation, age, nationality, religion, politics, and beauty (an important point; remember, we are hard-wired to select for people that are attractive, even if they perform poorly).

Everyone is a customer, at some point. EVERYONE. Remember that.