Don't Screw Employees

Okay, you're right, what I really mean is, "Don't fuck employees". And before you click away in disgust, please allow me to explain the reason that this word is the one and only correct choice for this particular subject:

The fellow who deliberately cut you off in traffic, spilling your coffee and nearly giving you a heart attack, was he inconsiderate or an asshole?

There is no such thing, my dears, as an inappropriate word. All words are appropriate, given the proper context and timing. If the usage is apt, the word is appropriate.

Now let me explain why "fuck" is the appropriate word in this situation: It refers not only to the physical act in which you are the aggressor, but also to what happens to the career of the employee in question.

In this day and age, you would think this one would be a no-brainer, but we still see it happen on a daily basis. If you are ever tempted, or one of your managers is tempted, hit the affected individual in the side of the head with a brick until these thoughts go away. Aside from the fact that it may lead to a lawsuit that may cost you your company, consider this:

• If you think your diddling is a secret, you're wrong. At work, nothing is a secret. 
• Because nothing is a secret, all of the other employees at or below the position of the person that you're diddling will automatically assume that every choice assignment, promotion, or benefit that your diddlee receives is only because of the diddling. Even if your diddlee doesn't sue you, chances are pretty good that one of these folks will. Seen through the eye of diddling, everything looks like favoritism. And let's face it - it probably is. 
• Or - because you know how it looks - you withhold promotions or key assignments that the person you're diddling actually deserves, causing them to feel righteous anger, hurt, and sorry that they ever met your sorry ass. Oh - and if they don't sue you, you can bet that they're going to make sure before they leave that everyone in your organization knows what a sleazebag you are. They may even tell your Customers, as they are busy moving them over to their new employer. 
• It's just plain wrong, moron! Putting people below you (no joke intended) in this kind of position (sigh) is one of the worst abuses of power. They used to guillotine kings for this type of behavior, sportsfans, and rightly so.

Your honor, I rest my case.