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Friday, June 22, 2018

"When I Was at X, We Used to Y..."

Suppose you throw a party, and a friend of one of your guests starts off a conversation like this:

"The last party I went to, they had little Beef Wellingtons on tapas plates. Do you have little Beef Wellingtons on tapas plates? You should really look into that, because they're delicious. They also had this really cool game that we all played; it was a riot! What activities do you have planned?"

How likely are you to invite this schmuck to your next party - or the friend that brought them?

Believe it or not, many folks* who move from one company to another do this exact same thing, oblivious to how rude and condescending they sound. Sure, you want to share your expertise, experience, and problem-solving skills, but you're missing 2 key words from the end of that sentence:

...when appropriate.

It's fine to suggest new ideas. It's even fine to suggest old ideas, if you think you know enough about the issue to understand it from your new co-workers' perspective. Usually, though, we don't. We talk when we should be listening and absorbing. As a newbie, that's your main job. If someone asks for your opinion, fine - but don't mention what you did at your old employer or who they were. At best, it comes off as grandstanding. At worst... well, if you don't know, this article is definitely for you.

Even when you do voice an opinion - when appropriate - it's always best to couch it in a way that leaves room for a conversation. Maybe this:

"I'm guessing that you probably already tried Y. How did that work?"

First, you're giving the other person credit for probably thinking of and trying the obvious solution(s). Second, you're acknowledging their expertise by asking for their observations regarding the result. Third, you're establishing that you don't have all the answers, but you're willing to roll up your sleeves and work on it together.

Popping back to our party guest metaphor, the new employee who does this is the one who runs out for beer/wine when you're low, offers to drive the really drunk guest home, and helps clean up afterward.

Those are the folks who get invited to every party.

*Guilty as charged - but I'm much better now.

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